I just wanted to tell you that I miss you. I know I always say that but it is not enough to explain how much I wanted you with me, how much I yearn for your company whenever something happens.
We always talk to each other, I always ask how your day went, but I don’t brief you about mine and sometimes that hurts you but that’s the reason that I don’t tell you so many things.
It would hurt you. I know. I know you better than yourself. I know how protective you can be, how much possessive you get when my attention drifts from you, how jealous you are. I know, I am extremely important to you and you don’t like sharing me with anyone.
I love that about us, that we so close it doesn’t matter how extremely we feel for each other. You are my soul sister. You will always be a part of me. Nothing can change that.
But, with you being away, so many things happened. There are things that I can’t tell you, not because you will judge me but because you will be disappointed in me for not being stronger than this.
I can’t tell what is going on because I don’t know it myself. It is chaos everywhere. I can’t tell you because if something happens, then you will burden yourself with this information and what ifs. This burden is not yours. I want you to remember me as your best friend, not someone who was too broken to live. I do not want you to think of sad memories and unanswered questions when you think about me.
I cant tell you because it would hurt you to see me so shattered. I can see the hurt in your eyes and face whenever I tried to suggest something like that. I can read you as an open book. As damaged as I am, I still don’t want you to know about such things, I still love you. This or any situation would never change that but I can’t continue like this and if anything happens to me, don’t feel sorry or that you could have prevented it.
It’s not about you. It’s about me. It’s my burden to bear alone.
Please remember. You are still my favourite person in the entire world. I love you more than anyone else and I hate to hurt you.